Marriages Don’t Seem To Last Anymore
Committed relationships, if not entered into wisely, are perhaps one of the most complicated things we have to deal with in life. On days when I manage to not be too preoccupied about my work or my family, I would find myself observing couples on the streets, in restaurants or in their motor vehicles and i sometimes wonder what level of communication they have, if any. Sometimes I catch glances of a couple kissing which gives me a sense of contentment while on the flip side of that I am filled with sadness when I see a couple in their motor vehicle travelling to work with sombre looks on their faces as though they are both in their own worlds. It seems almost as if they aren’t on the same path – they’re not involved in any verbal conversation and their body language says nothing to contradict my thoughts. Naturally, these observations lead me to wonder how many people actually get it right but then again, what is ‘getting it right’?
Has the enhancement of women in society affected the level of commitment in a relationship? Have we gotten too independent causing men to become insecure, frustrated and unhappy? Of course logic would dictate that a man whose wife is bringing in an income and who is educated makes most men feel less burdened but is this creating emotional stress in both parties that somehow leads to separation?
I chose to write about this after recently realising that in the last year three of my friends’ marriages have crumbled and five couples I know have gone through separation. Reasons for this vary from infidelity by either party, boredom, financial problems, sexual neglect, alcoholism and of the course the popular reason used in divorce courts, ‘irreconcilable differences’. Call me naive but I used to think that couples don’t necessarily have to separate if they would just remember what made them fall in love in the first place. But as years passed and I matured, I realised my ideal world is not reality. There is a line in the movie, Love Story that says, ‘the very thing that attracted me to you is the very thing that is making us part.’ Ironic isn’t it but quite true in many cases.
I spent my childhood watching my mom cry for years due to my father’s infidelity and lies and to date she has stood by his side for almost 28 years. In this day and age that rarely happens with the ‘independent woman’ in the picture. Women who are educated and are thriving in their career are not submissive in relationships but rather they don’t have much tolerance for such behaviour from their partners. So i ask again, has the enhancement of women in society affected the level of commitment in a relationship?
Perhaps the development of women is not the problem, maybe it’s the lack of familiarization prior to committing that inevitably leads to separation. Maybe we get so caught up with the thrill of someone new, a different experience and somewhere along the line we hastily commit not realising that your ideals, goals and principles may differ and we don’t question whether we’d be willing to compromise these things that make up a part of who we are , what we do and how we do it. Maybe we get caught up thinking that somewhere along the line you will be able to change your partner – but it never happens.
Years later, now with a family we wake up one day and realised that we’re not where we want to be and every fibre of your being longs for something more or perhaps just less obligations. Simply put, we get selfish. When that selfishness steps in not all of us are brave enough to walk out while others do it without hesitation. Perhaps this why not many marriages occur now as in previous years. Getting married or having a wedding is no longer the grandiose event it once was years ago as couples are merely in common law relationships and are contented in such. Few women demand or expect marriage either because it seems to have become a norm to just co-habit or it relieves both parties of such a binding commitment.
While there are many organisations and individuals that lobby for families to stay together, does it make sense to remain in a relationship and be unhappy or unfulfilled? Is it really wise to stay together for the sake of the children or do we put our sanity first? Do we stay together and tolerate the secrets, lies and betrayal just because we fear to start over?
So many questions that boggle the mind – unfortunately clarity only steps in when we are at the brink of losing our minds and we become torn between what we long for and what we have. By the time this happens our relationships have undergone so much hostility and resentment that we end up having nasty separations.
From one woman’s perspective, I believe that while no separation is a nice one – brutal honesty plays a key part in ending a relationship. If you’re no longer in love or if you have other ideals or another partner it is wise to just be upfront. It relieves you of your frustration and it makes the other party know where he/she stands. Granted you may get insulted or tempers may flare – down the road (way down the road) they will thank you for it and an amicable relationship may develop. After all, nobody likes being lied to or deceive. Until next week ……