Marriage and the Other Women

2 years ago One Woman's Perspective

For centuries women have been victims of all forms of abuse, ranging from financial to physical with many justifications given by men for such actions.  There is however, one reason that I have never heard a man give for abusing his spouse and that is ‘the other woman’.

Men have said that the woman nags too much or she didn’t cook my meal or the house was dirty – some have gone as far as saying, “I was drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing.” (which holds no value in my opinion).  What they have not said is that the reason they abuse their spouse is because they are under the influence of another woman.  In many instances whenever a man is involved with another woman outside his home, changes occur in his behaviour, his attitude and even his habits.

After going through my own ordeal of being the abused spouse because of the other woman (which my husband denies was the reason), I had the opportunity to talk with several other wives who have had to endure the very same thing either on a more or less intense level.  These four women I have spoken to at great length have all agreed that there are obvious changes in a man’s behaviour once he starts to cheat.  He is frequently ‘working late’, ‘taking a drink with the guys’ and the list goes on.  Another tell tale sign is his insistence in carrying his phone to the bathroom or turning it off and hiding it once he gets home.

Coupled with all these changes is the machismo attitude that rears its ugly head when you start following the gut feeling that he’s cheating then you start questioning him of his whereabouts.  This is usually the start of the emotional and physical abuse.  In addition to this is the transference of guilt – this is when he begins accusing you of being unfaithful when he fully knows that he is the one playing games.

In several debates I have engaged in, many men and women all agree that a woman should never invade her spouse’s privacy by going into his phone.  Then you hear the anthem, ‘what you don’t know won’t hurt you’.   Well I say that is BS!  If my partner is out playing the field then I need to know who, what, when, why and where.  Brutal honesty is at most times best than having to find out further down the road that you have been sleeping with a stranger.

But in any case, this week’s column is not to analyse men’s behaviour and their cheating habits but rather to try and understand how is it that women can be a woman’s worst enemy.  What I fail to understand is why there seems to be a steady increase of young women who have no qualms about having affairs with married men.  It is a sad and disheartening reality and very few organisations or people make the effort to lobby against women invading marriages.  As though this is not enough to cause the wife great strife, some men tend to find some psychopathic women who will stalk the wives, call the house phone late at nights and from their things tend to just spiral out of control.

As I’m writing this article an incident comes to mind where a woman who was in a managerial position at a stable and reputable organisation was beaten up by her husband at her workplace right here in Belize.  As you know, Belize is a small country and as the incident made it on the local news it was found out that this woman was beaten up because she had problems with her husband flaunting the other woman.  This other woman was unemployed, living with her mother and had given birth to two daughters both fathered by two separate married men.   From personal experience I can tell you it is tragic when a woman does her best to build a home and the husband with much assistance from another woman breaks down what was built with much blood, sweat and tears.

In an effort to have some statistics for you, I questioned 25 young professional women and i asked them, “Would you have an affair with a married man?  Of these, 64% said YES while the remaining 36% percent said with much conviction, NO.  Obviously a majority of women have no problems getting in the middle of a marriage – some say the sex and sin are more thrilling, others say why bear the burden of a full time husband when you can have it part time while some say the food on someone else’s plate always look better than what they’re having at the time.

While some women may be able to relate to these reasons given above, isn’t it time we take a step back when we find ourselves invading a woman’s marriage.  The men may be pushy and may utter sweet nothings to you but in the end the final decision is up to you.  You are the one who will decide whether you will encourage the affair and thus begin creating havoc in the wife’s home.  If women would put a stop to these sneaky married men it would be one less worry for wives around the world.  After all if he tells you he’s is splitting up or leaving his wife then step back, let him do it if he so chooses and when all the debris has been cleared up from his separation/divorce then let him call you.  Meanwhile leave marriages alone and keep in mind the world is round and one day you just may be the wife and someone else will be the other woman.  Karma is real!