I am a firm believer of marriage and that relationships can be great and everyone out there can instigate the butterflies to flutter in someone’s stomach. I am in love with the idea of being in love, despite the heart breaks I have endured since I began dating in my latter teens. I believe that some of the romantic gestures we see in the movies can happen to us, of course not on the grand scale as it is set to be on the silver screen but the moments can occur that gives us the same hope and elation we experience as we devour those movie scenes.
With all this said though, the reality of it all is that relationships require time, effort, commitment, trust and patience; without these we will no doubt run into problems that sometimes lead to nasty separations. Sadly, in the last few weeks I have been noticing several couples within my circle of friends and acquaintances being dragged through the emotions of disgust, fear and uncertainty as they venture into separate paths. Watching all this and assessing a recent relationship of mine I have observed that one of the main problems plaguing particularly the men in these relationships is insecurity.
Insecurity is that uneasiness you feel or that anxiety you get in the pit of your stomach when you sense danger of losing someone or something subsequently seeing yourself vulnerable. It’s an emotion that can make you become paranoid, aggressive, abusive and arrogant. In relationships, men tend to display insecurity for several reasons. It could be that they have neglected their wives and while they would not openly admit it they subconsciously know that this is the case..so when they see their wives being given extra attention by another male albeit a co-worker, brother in law or family friend, that feeling of insecurity steps in and if not controlled can be the beginning of much havoc in that union. Another classic example is when a spouse is cheating. Guilt sometimes makes men become insecure thinking that his partner is doing the same as he is – ‘so a man thinketh, so is he.’ These two examples have caused men to accuse their wives/spouses falsely of cheating and other deceitful acts as it eases them from the guilt they harbour within themselves or atleast so they think!
Note how I mentioned that if the insecurity is not controlled it can lead to havoc…this is because I have seen whereby these accusations can easily turn into violent behaviour thus breaking the feelings of security and trust that the wife may once have had in her spouse.
Women do experience insecurities as well with varying degrees. When a woman is insecure in a relationship she will become wary of the female friends that her husband keeps. She will observe their interactions and will be quite cautious when socialising or communicating with that particular individual. Another degree of insecurity found in women is much intertwined with low self esteem. This is where she deems herself as being unworthy of love and respect. She blames herself for the problems in the relationship and thus accepts the abuse dished out to her from the spouse. Insecurity can manifests itself in women to an even greater degree thus causing them to use their sexuality as a tool to garner attention from their partner. They use their bodies to get a few minutes of attention and when that is over and done with they end up feeling worse than they did before. These acts of insecurity can be detrimental to a woman’s well being – physically, mentally and emotionally.
While this trait of insecurity varies in degrees from person to person it is quite a dangerous issue. If an insecure individual does not have self control he can easily wound up self destructing. It is key to point out that humility is not to be confused with insecurity. You can be humble and agree or give in to others once you genuinely feel to do so but if you’re feeling forced or obligated to give into someone for fear of being disliked or unaccepted then you need to look into that as that is a form of insecurity.
Insecurity is not a trait that can easily be rid of by reading a book or taking a class. First and foremost you need to achieve personal victory before you set out to gain public victory. Start admiring the simple things about you that you find attractive and appealing. Capitalise on your talents and see how you can become a better person by honing on your talents. Do all this to gain self confidence and bring about a self image that you find satisfactory. Overcoming insecurity is a conscious effort that has to be made on your part. You must be willing to be placed in vulnerable positions in life where you may get hurt. Learn to trust others enough to expose yourself. Believe in yourself – keep telling yourself that you’re worthy of everyone’s attention. Break the barrier of self-doubt that you have hidden inside and reach out to others – this will require letting go of past hurts and moving on with life. As you go about overcoming your insecurities always keep in mind that the beginning of security is learning to laugh at yourself realising that no one is perfect!!!